The more time I spend in the blogosphere, the more I love being a part of it. There are tons of “mommy-bloggers” out there just teeming with advice, anecdotes, and best of all, HUMOR. And everybody has their own little schtick… their “claim-to-fame,” if you will, usually quipping something about sarcasm, chocolate, or wine. (Or the trifecta: Sarcastic Wine Drinking Chocolholic SAHMs, sweet Jesus!)
<Transition to valid point…>
From all the wonderful sharing of experiences, I am learning more and more each day that there is no one “right way” to parent. Everybody seems to find what works for them, and usually, as they go along. There simply is no book, column, or forum that has all the answers… but that doesn’t stop me from reading them all! I truly love seeing what techniques and tips have been successful for other families, sometimes trying it out in my own home, and sometimes laughing my ass off, thinking “Yeah– that’s not going to happen.” It seems lately, however, that I am seeing a lot of topics floating about (on Twitter mostly) that make me pause and ask… “Are you people fucking kidding me?” Here are some recent favorite topics I’ve seen regarding marriage, family, and making it work…
What to do when your child refuses to do his chores…
Ummm, Why is this article longer than “Beat his little ass. The end.” I kid… sort of. But seriously, if your child/children feel as if they have a choice in the matter, you’re doing it wrong.
My kid won’t eat anything but sweets– Help!
Errr, when did junior start doing the grocery shopping?? Sounds like he’s ahead of the curve! Go ahead, mom! But seriously, last I checked, your 5 year old is not in charge of what gets stored in your pantry or served at your table, right? I don’t even let my husband pick dinner.
101 Things to do with your kids on a rainy day!
Did Noah call? Are we to expect an abnormal amount of rain? Because that’s a lot of activities. And most of them are either No-Shit-Sherlock ideas like “watch a movie” … “read stories”–Or inversely horrendous activities that require 36 supplies/ingredients and way more gumption than what I’ve got on a rainy day. How about we alternate napping and playing, Okay? Okay.
50 toys to stimulate your child…
I don’t know about you guys, but my child has been more stimulated by a wooden spoon and a colander than any toy I’ve ever bought him. Refrigerator magnets and a cookie sheet… Or how bout a fistful of coffee filters? Entertainment for hours. So go ahead– buy out Melissa & Doug™ on Zulily. We all do at some point. But he’s going to spend more time blithely entertaining himself with the box it shipped in.
6 Steps to Avoid Infidelity…
Ok gentlemen, let’s keep this simple. How about lets start with keep your dick out of other women. And for you ladies, no penises not belonging to your spouse allowed. Ok? Now let’s move on.
<Was that crude? My bad.>
And I’ll close with a collection of my all-time favorite pieces of “New-Parent” advice…
Sleep when the baby sleeps. Make time for yourself. Share parenting responsibilities with your spouse 50/50. Make time to exercise so you feel your best. Use a bottle warmer/steamer to sterilize all small parts, pacifiers, nipples, etc– not just warming bottles! Cook a week’s worth of meals in advance. Keep a journal documenting how many minutes the baby nurses on each side, spends on his tummy, naps, etc. Plan activities that the whole family can participate in so no one feels isolated by baby. RicRac adds a nice personal touch to burp cloths and receiving blankets!
Oh shut the hell up. Seriously, I draw the line at RicRac.
So is there any really good advice out there for moms and dads just trying to make it work? Absolutely–do your best and try and relax about fucking up. Because you will. And it’s not that big of a deal. And try not to take anyone’s advice.