A crappy morning… no seriously.

So today I thought I’d do something outrageous…. and use the toilet alone. You mommies out there know how crucial a privilege (and rare occasion) this is. Not even the dog was allowed in. My justification: “He’s busy. I’m quick. What could go wrong?”   …heh heh heh. Silly mommy.

I wasn’t even finished ::ahem:: before my two-year-old, Zachary, burst into the tiny hall bathroom I was hiding in– but the look on his face spoke emergency-status volumes. He needed my attention and he needed it now. The mess on his hands and bottom told me why… thank goodness I was next to a bath tub and could plunk him right in… without getting up. <Thanks for picturing it.>

THE DAMAGE:

A mom’s saving grace!

In the 2.3 minutes Zachary was unattended, he put 9 stickers on the dog. Ate half a Milkbone.™ Shit in the sideyard. And fell in it. He was proudly proclaiming “I DOGGY! I DOGGY!” I was so appalled I wasn’t sure whether to laugh at him, punish him, or what. This is his first episode of this kind– I mean, he’s mischief, but he’s not usually FOUL… I’m told it is the first of many. Sweet lord, I’m glad we keep a gallon of Lysol™ on hand! It’s too bad I can’t bathe the kid in it…

Zac is now clean and clothed, and needless to say, “Nekkid Friday” is OVER. I will now be spending the rest of my morning trying to find and disinfect whatever he touched in the path from the sideyard to the bathroom.

Oh, and…The dog is still wearing stickers.

This moment is brought to you by the letter Z and the number 2…

Please comment below the craziest, messiest stunt your toddler has ever pulled!

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About dramafreemama

I am a wife, homeowner, teacher, sister, pet-owner, and friend...But the most humbling and moving role in my life to date is that of a mother, or better yet, a MOMMY. We live in a rural area of Virginia and we keep it simple. This blog is about juggling life in all these different roles. Please subscribe/follow and ENJOY!
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20 Responses to A crappy morning… no seriously.

  1. OMG! I’ve had more of these days than I would like to admit! The last time being the middle girl pooped and the baby girl drawed on the walls with it. Yeah, that was a bad day. Hope your day gets much better 🙂

  2. Oh no. I must admit that I laughed hysterically but I know my day is coming. I love the picture of the dog…. what a good dog you must have to allow him to do this

  3. Donna says:

    aaahahah so cute! And the dog is adorable. Just lying there with all those stickers. Hope Zac doesn’t notice they’re gone!

  4. Aspasia says:

    OMG the situation is so funny, and yet not unique in households with 2 yr olds. as some folks have noted. How you describe it, however, is not only hilarious, it’s sidesplittingpeeinginyourpants funny. Thanks for sharing! Your blogs take me back in time which could make me a little melancholic but instead I started the day in stitches today! Thanks again!

  5. amysteindler says:

    Classic Zac moment. It just keeps gettin’ better.

  6. HI!
    New follower via Lauran via Real Housewife of VA. Totally hilarious story. I don’t have kids..yet. My good friend has a 3year boy and she always has the funniest stories. I am also an english teacher (5 yrs at 11th grade and 2nd year at 7th). Look forward to reading your post!!
    Kathrin
    shopschoolsleep.blogspot.com

  7. Kate says:

    OMG! I can totally relate. It’s like why I have a door on the bathroom??? My three year old has already learned how to unlock it. Stopping by from Two in Diapers. I’m your newest follower.

    • Kate says:

      I just saw your comment suggestion, so I’m adding. I have so many, but the worst was when my two boys, at 3 and 2, were in the bathroom alone (my husband and I were morons that night, but we managed to tell them not to run the water). After about 15 minutes, I went in and found them both naked, in the tub, splashing in trash and water. They dumped the trash in the tub and used it to scoop water from the toilet. The trash even had dirty diapers in it. That was the worst.

    • Hi! Thanks for the follow! Yay for smart toddlers! …sort of. LOL.

  8. Josie Bisett says:

    HAHAHAHA! I love it! It sounds like Zachary is a hoot!

    • Oh he’s something alright! It is a new adventure (and mess, and lesson learned) every day! Yesterday it was lapping water out of the cat’s bowl. Apparently he really loves our pets…

  9. Chris Carter says:

    I stepped outside to water my flowers on a 100 degree summer day while pregnant with my second child (stay with me)… heard a “click” behind me. My 2-year old daughter locked me OUT!!! I completely FREAKED! She ran away from the sliding glass door as I screamed for her to come back…nope. I ran all around the house trying to get it! No other way than to go MAMA BEAR MODE ape sh– and pull PULL off the sliding glass door from the secured lock leaving a whole in the wall where I tore the door. Yup. I did. Soaking wet with sweat I ran into the house screaming for my girl…and found her ASLEEP in front of the tv on the floor. Seriously a parent moment right there. Almost passed out from it all. And now there was a HOLE in the wall where the lock was. I remember it like it was yesterday…

    • OMG that’s funny… but perhaps only because it wasn’t me. LOL. Sorry! My 2 yo likes to give me mini heart attacks and lock his car door with his foot before I come around to get him. Even with the keys safely in my purse, I have a moment of panic every time, especially if we are like, at the grocery store or someplace public. And he just laughs (guffaws even) . Little turd.

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