It has been 10 days since my last post to this blog. I would like to say that I have been away on vacation in Aruba, or catching up on the latest novel craze (which, BTW, I hear is delightful filth), or busy celebrating something fabulous. Or hell, I’d even rather say that I’ve been swamped with school work and just couldn’t fit blog time into my schedule. But none of the above is true. I’ve just been practicing the golden rule… “If you can’t say something nice, shut the hell up.” Or something like that, right? Having titled this blog DRAMAFREEmama, I try to keep my writing positive and uplifting to others and fun. And last week, for me, was everything but. And like some people lose the will to eat when they’re down… I eat their share and lose my will to produce good writing. Plus, who wants to hear me whine about being anxious or depressed or even just BLAH? Nobuddy. So I went on a brief hiatus to shake off the ickies.
So, now I’m back. <WooHoo!> And whilst I don’t have anything earth-shaking to say, I would like to offer this OH moment. OH=Open & Honest.
I don’t always get it right. Being a teacher + mommy + wife + daughter + pet owner + housekeeper + life liver is extremely demanding. How shall I prioritize these roles? It’s overwhelming (read IMPOSSIBLE) to try to be everything to everybody and always get it right. In fact, I am certain I fail royally on a regular basis. Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I lose my cool. I cry. I yell. I say things I later regret. I cry some more. I carry guilt. I feel like like a failure. A bad mom. A lousy wife. And that somehow, everyone else seems to be doing a better job than I am at pretty much everything. And I am willing to bet I’m not the only one who feels this way, at least sometimes.
So today I made myself this promise… I will let it go. Let my mistakes go. Let my guilt go. Let my presumed failures go. We are all fighting this battle one day at a time, and nobody has it all figured out. Some are just better at looking like they do. After confiding how I was feeling to a friend today, she told me that she would have had “NO IDEA,” had I not spilled. Apparently I’m a decent faker too. <Bonus!> But ladies, we need to stop the self-loathing every time we fuck up. Fucking up is part of the journey. It’s part of marriage, motherhood, professionalism, LIFE. I feel confident (today) that I am doing the best job that I can at all of my jobs. And damnit, that’s just going to have to be good enough. So raise your glass to not being so hard on ourselves!