Act your age, will ya?

Dearest members of the general public without toddlers,

Please stop expecting adult behavior out of my 19 month old. He acts his age. He is 30 pounds of non-stop, into everything, jabbering, squealing, mess-making, precocious energy. And I wouldn’t have him any other way.  Scowling at us in aisle 4 as he reaches for things and screeches “MIIIINE, MIIIIIIIIINE” will not make him grow up or shut up by aisle 6. Promise. In fact, he doesn’t even notice (or care) that you disapprove of him eating the crackers I just placed in the cart before we’ve paid for them. I thought it was an improvement over the two coupons he ate in the produce section. So don’t act like your bag of grapes isn’t a few ounces lighter at checkout than when you first selected it! Should you have the inclination to invite us over and you don’t want him to touch your things, don’t leave them in his reach. Toddlers are curious, and decidedly not gentle. This is why my coasters are cork and not stoneware. If you want him quieter, do us all a favor and lead by example. I know better than to take him into a fancy restaurant on a Saturday night at 8PM and request chicken fingers with ketchup. I’m in the Red Robin years. I get it.  Now try and be understanding that kids are kids, (read: kids are annoying), and that the supermarket is not the Ritz, nor is it a good choice for your own personal quiet time.

Thanks.

The “little terror’s” mother

PS- Your teenager is no more of a peach, trust me.

Mommy's little cherub

Dear parents of now grown kids and young adults,

I’m sorry I glared at you and your whiny toddler in Farm Fresh, Applebees, or wherever else I ignorantly expected your 2 year old to sit still and act like an adult. I didn’t know shit about shit.

Love,

Deborah