As soon as I announced my second baby boy on the way, I began to speculate all of the ways in which my life would be different when I went from, “I have a son” to “I have two boys.” Whether that meant bigger, better, fuller? or Chaotic, stressful, and sloppy? Or some unforeseen combination of all of the above?? — That would remain to be seen.
I expected to lose some sleep. I expected to physically be a mess for a while– from my body, to my hair, to my kitchen. And I fully expected some regression on behalf of Zachary, who would soon be turning three. [Ahem--He did not disappoint.] But there are some post-baby phenomena that have taken me by surprise on round two…
Here’s the rundown…
My bad. Sorry, mom.
I did not expect to feel confident in my ability to keep this thing alive. I certainly wasn’t the first time! Ha! But this time I feel like I know what I am doing (a little)…I mean, he tells me when he is hungry or dirty. And I can fix those things. And I’m not constantly in freak-out mode that it must be some catastrophic baby disease making him cry. It’s probably just poopy. I don’t have to leap to action the moment he makes a sound. He’s gonna be okay while I finish washing my hands or opening the mail. (Ya’ll know I really mean taking a shit, right?) So I’m rockin’ this Mom gig! And it surprises me more every day that I’m not afraid anymore. Now plants I still can’t keep alive. Maybe if they cried for water…
I did not expect to enjoy breastfeeding. At all. I definitely didn’t love it before. It seemed like constant work, that quite frankly, kinda hurt. I survived three months of it with Zac, and I was glad to have an excuse to wean when I went back to school. But these days, I am finding myself looking forward to the quiet, private time, just Jett and me. [I'm also not having to nurse him every stinking hour like Zac demanded. So I'm not staying sore and stressed round the clock.] And this is gonna sound so shallow and lame but I’m gonna say it anyway– I have an iPad/iPhone now… so I’m entertained. Nursing the baby is like a half hour break to read the Twitter timeline or Facebook newsfeed, troll Pinterest, catch up on news, text a friend, etc. It’s my excuse to not do another damn thing for that short time. Sorry, I’m feeding the baby! And no one else can do it! Now, I’m not going to keep him on the boob till kindergarten or anything, but I am pleased and proud of my nursing experience thus far this go round. And I didn’t see that coming.
Ok, this is starting to sound a little bit like “Why baby #2 is better”… which is not at all what I mean. So it’s important to share these too..
I didn’t expect my milk-production supplements (Fenugreek seed & Blessed Thistle) to make my armpits smell like spicy pancakes. And I don’t know why they do. It’s… odd. And I’m paranoid everyone can smell it. Like in a “Hey do you work at IHOP?” kind of way.
I didn’t expect to need help with the housework; I’ve always been able to manage on my own. Even when I’m busy. But I have called in for reinforcements a few times. Between 3 dogs and a tornado toddler, I just can’t keep up! I’m worried about how much worse that is going to be when I head back to school in September. Which is a whole separate area of dread.
I didn’t expect to be so short tempered with pretty much everyone except the baby. Little things get to me, and fast. I have hurt Zachary’s feelings snapping at him. I have pushed my husband away. They love me anyway, but I don’t like this about me.
So there have been some positive surprises with bringing home baby Jett, like how much Zac adores his baby brother– He loves to hold him and kiss him. So sweet! And also some ones I’m struggling with. As in–My right boob is a full cupsize (maybe cupsize & a half) bigger than the left. Ugh, real sexy. And of course, being a walking waffle. But the overwhelming love I feel when I snuggle that sweet little beansprout outweighs any negative. Even the Aunt Jemima pits.
My entire heart and soul captured in a photo…So much love!